Recently, my husband has been required to work out of town for weeks at a time. Although I'm thankful for steady employment and the opportunities that have come his way because of this assignment, I was nervous about what lengthy separation would do to our marriage, our friendship, and our kids. The past six months have been a difficult time for me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Honestly, I've been a bit of a wreck. Through all of that, my husband has faithfully loved me, cared for me, sacrificed hugely to meet my needs, and shown me time and again what true love actually looks like in the corners of dark days. He's my best friend, and I wasn't thrilled about suddenly having to go it alone.
So in the face of this impending separation, I got busy. I worried. And worried some more. And sought counsel from dear friends and wise women. And took their advice and discussed my fears openly with my husband. And prayed. A LOT. And was finally blessed with the restful realization that if this is the situation I find myself in, God is here, too, and will enable and strengthen me to meet any and every need.
There have been many graces that made life easier to navigate. God has surrounded me with loving, giving people. Multiple friends have checked up on me, planned play dates, and offered encouragement. My dear, dear neighbor and friend brought me food, and fresh eggs from her own chickens, and helped me round up the garbage in my house so I wouldn't have to drag the can up the driveway in the dark. My in-laws invited the kids and I to come and stay for as long as we wanted to, and turned their patio into a play time paradise with a huge wading pool and custom made sand box. They prepared food for us, gave me moments to curl up and read a book, and provided love and affection on days when I could've been sitting at home, alone, killing a bag of potato chips while I binged on Netflix. The power of being present in someone's life should never be underestimated. Through the kindness of friends and family, God has proven Himself to be present every day.
Another blessing is that my kids have been wonderfully normal during their dads absence. They've played and fought and gotten taller. They've wailed for their dad during emotionally-charged pre-nap moments, partaking in a luxury I don't allow myself. They've learned to ham it up on FaceTime with him, but also to say "Hi!" and then walk away to play with a toy. They've shown me that it's possible to react to a major life change with resiliency and acceptance. The fact that they continue to fight and whine and drive me a bit batty has given me even more opportunity to trust God to provide the patience and love and wisdom I need every day with them. And He absolutely has.
The blessing that has caught me by surprise and fueled my wonder at God's goodness has been how well my husband and I have been able to communicate while he has been gone. Communicating effectively is an aspect of our marriage that has needed constant attention during our 9 years together. Any time we allowed our proximity to each other to become mundane, we began to take the other for granted and failed to communicate with purpose, respect, kindness, and joy. Now that we are separated by many miles and several time zones, I was afraid that distance would work the same evil as familiarity, and we wouldn't take the time to really share with each other. Happily, blessedly, our conversations have been open, honest, and joyful! By utilizing the many capabilities of smartphones, we have been able to continue sharing life. We've rejoiced over our sons second lost tooth, and shared in the worry that our daughter might have broken some bones in her hand after taking a hard fall outside. We've discussed spiritual things. We've encouraged each other in our efforts at our respective jobs. We've stayed up way too late (for me) on the phone, like a couple of high school kids with a crush on each other, just because it's nice to be in that moment together. Even from far away he has continued to be my biggest supporter and my best friend.
I wonder at my God, who cares so much about my family that He would not only allow this separation, but that He would use it for our good and His glory. Because contrary to all the things I feared it would be, and through all the times it has been difficult, this separation has been good. Good because of the kindness of others toward my family. Good because of the normalcy of my kids. Good because now I know that physical distance can't ever truly separate my husband and me. Good because I have seen daily confirmation that God is wise, and kind, and active in our lives. As much as I love my husband, as happy as I am that he will soon be home, I wouldn't trade these past few weeks without him for the goodness that God has shown, and the truth He has revealed. It's only through greater knowledge of God that I can ever truly love my husband and my kids. And so I am thankful for this separation, and all the good that God has accomplished through it. And that is the exact opposite of everything I expected.
-Ashley
